22nd March 1995 2.30pm

I can't think of anything better to eat than a jacket potato. Must be the Irish in me, "Any girls out there with some Irish in them? Any want a little bit more?" with salt and black pepper and butter. I just had one for lunch. So sweet too, I hadn't noticed before. I'm in such a good mood you wouldn't believe it. Not manic or wild, just so happy - it's bubbling man.


I just saw this unfuckingbelievably good looking love puppy stud bucket at the local grocers. I was dithering around looking for things to buy - a packet of bread sauce, bananas, milk, Worcestershire sauce - I don't know - and there he was - Oh my God! And he stood behind me in the queue and I'm like "Oh please don't let me do anything embarrassing" and then I noticed the two bananas on the counter and thought "Oh no! He's going to think I've bought them to have sex with because I'm so attractive". And then I remembered the one time my ex and I tried to have sex with a banana, but neither of us knew whether to peel it first or not. In the end we peeled it and put it inside a pink condom because I didn't want it to break up and go all mushy inside me. I couldn't concentrate for laughing and then I got bored and faked it to get it over with. I guess I wasn't really in the mood that time.


So, I was thinking about this and realised I was smiling at the bananas and that made me laugh, not a big laugh, nothing hearty, just an AHA. I know he noticed, he must have done. And what stunningly clever and original idea did I come up with to cover this up a few minutes later, on my way out of the shop. Oh yes - cough and he'll think, "Oh that girl who laughed at her bananas was actually coughing. Well, that's okay then, she must be a lovely person and not mad at all, just got a bit of a cough".